Welcome to The Friends Theory, where we use pop culture and story to reframe the way you see your life, work, and what you’re capable of.

This week, we’re kicking that toxic ex to the curb. Eventually.

3-minute read.

The One With Your Toxic Ex

Insights from several episodes. Call it an entourage.

🎬 Picture it:
Last week I finally launched a workshop I'd been working on for far too long. And ever since I pressed LIVE, my imposter syndrome has been like a foghorn in my brain.

Back for the 7000th sequel, completely uninvited — please welcome my imposter syndrome.

I like to think of imposter syndrome as a toxic ex who shows up right when you’re getting your groove on. It can also be described as Chandler reacting to the crew trying Carol’s breastmilk. 

Every time I try to level up, put myself out there, do something that pushes me, there it is. Like Chandler screaming into the void:

Well, Chandler, I’ll tell you what I did. I tried that breast milk and it was tasty. So sit down, and let me have this.

Ever Been Here?

Who do I think I am?

For those who know me well, you know that is not at all what I did. I did not tell my imposter syndrome to take a seat, or better yet, leave.

What I actually did looked a little bit like this:

Meet, The 5 Stages of Imposter Syndrome

Act 1, The Arrival:  the toxic ex, disguised as Chandler (which in itself is laughable in the cold light of day). Why is this person texting me NOW? Right as I was making some progress. 

Act 2, Delusional Cohabiting: It’ll be different this time. It’s me. I’ll be different this time. If I play nice, they’ll play nice. Cue positive, welcoming and slightly highly-strung behavior. Also known as Ross cohabiting with Joey & Chandler. “Hey roomies!!” whilst my imposter syndrome looks on in disbelief. 

Act 3, Rock Bottom: Everything my imposter syndrome is saying is true. It must be true. Because I feel deflated, unsure, and even though I know, I KNOW it’s not real, I can’t pull myself out of it. At least, not today. So there I am, under 50ft of crap. Wallowing. 

Act 4, IT SO DOES NOT: Foot down, not happening, let’s back this up with evidence. Controversial choice of the Ross letter scene, I know, because I was always Team Rachel. 

Act 5, Exhaustion: Can I just get a new brain? That sounds nice. And easier than actually dealing with this.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

Try This On:

I've heard several reframes of imposter syndrome. One of the best is: if you're not experiencing imposter syndrome, you're not pushing yourself hard enough. Your brain has nothing to complain about. This reframe makes me want to pat my imposter syndrome on the head and flick it off my shoulder like a fly. Progress confirmed. Keep going.

There's also the old "would you speak to a friend like this?" Simple. Effective. Harder to actually do when you're the one under 50ft of crap.

So what do I do? Evidence. Factually laying out every reason my imposter syndrome is being a little b!tch. Not vibes. Not affirmations. Receipts.

Because where are we trying to get to?

Enter the Final Act: The Monica.

High-maintenance? Yes. Against imposter syndrome? Undefeated. Acknowledge the feelings, and then: not today, sir.

Final Thought

Imposter syndrome will text again. It always does. But just like that toxic ex, it ain't all that.

See you next week,

Lucy xx

P.S. If you're ready to drink the breast milk without internal judgement, start here 👇

Thanks for reading The Friends Theory. I appreciate you so much ❤️