Welcome to The Friends Theory, where we use pop culture and story to reframe the way you see your life, work, and what you’re capable of.

This week, we’re trying to stay in “the pribe of lime.”

3-minute read.

The One Where You Wanna Get With This

Insights from “The One With Rachel's Sister” (Season 6, Episode 13)

🎬 Picture it:
Monica's sick but Monica being Monica, refuses to believe it. She will not accept. It feels like defeat. A sign of weakness. She goes so far that she ends up in an awkward 'seduction' (parentheses necessary) with Chandler who, unsurprisingly, is not turned on.

And sure, this is a perfectly reasonable response from Chandler, or any person who doesn’t have a weird desire to get sick.

It’s also me trying to trick my brain into doing something and failing, because whilst delusion helps, too often I end up in a weird seduction dance with myself that nobody asked for.

Ever Been Here?

You’ve done the work, got prepared, hyped yourself up and then…..crickets. Instead of propelling yourself forward you’re left wondering

‘what the hell is going on, Janice?’

The thing I’m finding is that two things can be true at once. You can want something and not want it at the same time, or be excited about a project and simultaneously exhausted by the thought of it. And instead of acknowledging both sides, we try to ignore one and pick the other. But it doesn’t work like that. 

I’ve been committed to living as me rather than the expected version of me for a while.

I'm doing a lot better, but often I still second guess myself and put on a facade. And rather than make progress I feel…off. I waste time, I don’t move forward, I don’t say what I really feel or want. 

So what to do?

The alternative to the weird seduction dance

Often we talk about ‘fake it til you make it’ or ‘delusional thinking’ that tricks your brain into thinking something is already happening. If you’re a regular reader you’ll know I’m a fan of the delulu (and the science around it).

But you know what else I’m a fan of?

Actually just admitting exactly where I’m at. 

And then coming up with a plan to deal with that. 

Why? Because acceptance is the first step to progress. And man it feels good to just be honest. 

Now, stay with me. I’m not saying we abandon delusional and audacious thinking. What I’m saying is the mental negotiation itself takes its toll and leaves you in an awkward dance with yourself. 

Sometimes, simply asking yourself ‘what’s really going on here?’ and actually listening to the answer is the breakthrough you need. 

This isn't about pushing through tiredness and "keeping going." But the negotiation itself is valid. You're allowed to say "are you sure you want to do this?" to yourself. The answer might still be yes, but asking the question isn't weakness, it's honesty. And honesty is actually what gets you moving, not the fake hype.

Try This On:

Next time you’re questioning your motives for a project or catching yourself over-faking something so hard, try this: give yourself a minute and ask: what’s really going on here? Am I exhausted and need a break, or does this project no longer work for me?

Then listen to your honest answer and move forward from there. 

I did this the other week with this newsletter. I asked myself what was really going on. The answer was I felt boxed in. So I removed the self-imposed constraint of “this newsletter can only reference Friends” and boom—the creative juices are flowing again.

And guess what….they’re all directed at Friends. I have 6 editions I could’ve written today.

Why? Because I admitted it wasn’t working and then removed the pressure.

Had I stuck with trying to push through regardless, I may have given up on the newsletter altogether. 

Final Thought

I’m a huge fan of delusional thinking, being positive, going for it, etc. But often, that’s easier said than done. 

And if like Chandler you’d like to “stay in the pribe of libe”, then you may find that simply being honest about, where you're at why, how you got there, and what you need to do to move forward might be the easiest path to progress. 

See you next Thursday.

Lucy xx

P.S. Ready to make some progress but not sure where to start? Try here👇

Thanks for reading The Friends Theory. I appreciate you so much ❤️