Welcome to The Friends Theory, where we use classic sitcom moments to reframe modern life.

Coming to you this week with a love letter to loss, thoughts on why we’re so awkward around grief, and how to find light in the dark.

3-minute read. Tissues optional.

The One Where We Stop Waiting For Death

Insights from "The One Where Joey Loses His Insurance" (Season 6, Episode 4)

🎬 Picture it:
I skipped last week’s edition. Not because I wanted to.
I had something half-written and planned to send it late, but it didn’t happen.
And I decided… that’s okay.

Last week, our family said goodbye to Shrimps, our big, goofy, fluffy brilliance of a dog with the human eyes.
Shrimpy could look right into your soul; see you for exactly as you are, and love you both because of and in spite of it.
He was so loved.

And in the middle of that heartbreak, I found myself wondering why we don’t talk about grief more.
Why we treat it like something to hide….a private embarrassment instead of a universal truth.

Because grief, while deeply personal, is something we’ll all face. Probably more than once.

And the ironic thing is, when you do talk about it—even just a little—it feels lighter.
The weight doesn’t disappear, but you don’t have to carry it alone.

This Month

October has always been the month in our family…the cluster of anniversaries we’d rather not have.
So in a darkly comical way, it’s fitting that Shrimpy stuck to the theme.

But what if I turned October into a celebration instead—of the love we got to experience, not just the losses we endured?

The Line That Stuck

And in typical me fashion, I found a line from Friends floating around my head (as it does). Phoebe Buffay:

Trust Phoebe to deliver existential truth disguised as a punchline.

It made me laugh (and wince) because that’s exactly what the past couple of weeks have felt like: waiting, worrying, knowing a decision was coming, feeling the guilt of it all.

But beneath the dark humor is something I kept thinking about, and something I can’t ignore:
We are all waiting, in one way or another.

Waiting for the right moment.
The perfect sign.
The next milestone.

And grief, as brutal as it is, reminds us how finite that waiting really is.

What Grief Teaches Us

In those quiet, heavy days before we said goodbye, I noticed that strange, almost-peaceful stillness that comes before grief fully lands.
You’re not fine, but you’re functioning.
Your system goes into low power mode until your heart catches up.

And in that stillness, something clicked for me: waiting is a kind of grief in itself.

We wait to start.
We wait to say it.
We wait to change.
We wait for the perfect time that doesn’t exist.

Loss teaches us that waiting doesn’t protect us. It just costs us time we don’t get back.
And when the worst happens, what’s left is brutally simple: life keeps going, and you either go with it, or you don’t.

The Reframe

Grief is terrible, and somehow, it’s a teacher.
Every major turning point in my life has followed immense loss.

Maybe because I stopped caring so much about what didn’t matter.
Maybe because loss strips away all the fluff and leaves only the truth.

There’s nothing like heartbreak to make you braver, to make you raise your own bar for what you’ll tolerate, what you’ll give, and how much of yourself you’ll actually live.

Because when we are fulfilled, inspired, aligned. We’re not waiting.
We’re living.

And the loss of a pet shouldn’t have to be the thing that reminds us of that.
But sometimes, love—and loss—are the only wake-up calls loud enough to cut through the noise.

Final Thought

Phoebe jokes she’s ‘waiting for death,’ but the punchline is a reminder: waiting is exhausting—and living is the only thing that restores you

So feel it fully. Cry, laugh, nap, repeat.
And when that post-storm stillness shows up, let it be our on-ramp back to life.

Because if grief teaches us anything, it’s that the point was never to avoid the pain.
It’s to keep choosing life, even when it hurts.

See you next Thursday,
Lucy xx
In loving memory of Shrimps (2014–2025) 🐾

Thanks for reading The Friends Theory. I appreciate you so much ❤️