Welcome to The Friends Theory, where sitcom chaos helps us make slightly more sense of being human.

This week: Joey, jam shrapnel, and why "I asked for the news, not the weather" might be the best communication advice ever.

3-minute read. Zero weather reports.

The One Where We Say It (Without Spraying It)

Insights from “The One With the Jam” (Season 3, Episode 3)

🎬 Picture it:
Joey's in Central Perk, absolutely destroying a muffin. Mid-chew, he tries to talk. Result? Jam spray. Everywhere. All over Phoebe.

Phoebe barely blinks:

Perfect. Iconic. And weirdly applicable to approximately 80% of human communication.

Ever Been Here?

You say something and immediately think: wait, that's not what I meant.

Someone asks for feedback. You panic. You give them the diplomatic version—the one that sounds nice but means absolutely nothing.

You tell yourself "it's fine" when it absolutely isn't.

You say "I don't mind" when you actually do.

You downplay what you want because you don't want to seem "too much."

Basically: you give the weather report instead of the actual news.

And then you wonder why no one gets it.

Here’s What I’ve Noticed

I'm good at being vulnerable about myself. With strangers. That's easy. That's just sharing feelings.

But being honest with other people? Telling someone what I actually think? Asking for what I really need?

That's where my inner people-pleaser shows up with weather reports for days.

"It's not a big deal." "I don't want to cause any conflict." "I'll mention it next time."

And then next time never comes. Or it comes out all at once, like Joey's muffin explosion—sudden, messy, avoidable.

Why This Doesn’t Work

Softening the truth to keep the peace doesn't actually keep the peace.

It just delays the mess.

Research shows people prefer clear truth over ambiguity—even when the truth is uncomfortable. Because at least then we know where we stand.

Weather reports just leave everyone confused and vaguely sticky.

Try This On 

This week, give someone the news instead of the weather.

• Say what you actually mean the first time.

• Give real feedback (kindly).

• Ask for what you want without pre-apologizing.

• Skip the "I don't know if this makes sense, but..." disclaimers.

When you feel yourself hedging, pause and ask: Am I giving them the news, or the weather?

Final Thought

Joey didn't mean to spray Phoebe. But intention doesn't clean up the mess.

Clear communication isn't about being brutal. It's just about being accurate.

Say it clean, say it early, say it kindly—and you won't need a metaphorical napkin later.

See you next Thursday,
Lucy xx
AKA Queen of the Reframe

P.S. If you're thinking about giving out the news instead of the weather? Instead, start here👇

Thanks for reading The Friends Theory. I appreciate you so much ❤️