Welcome to The Friends Theory, the newsletter written by someone who is allegedly moving countries in less than 48 hours but is currently just…sitting.

This week: big changes that don't feel big, denial as a coping strategy, and why it’s okay if your emotional timeline refuses to cooperate with your moving timeline.

3-minute read. Feelings may or may not arrive on schedule.

The One Where It Finally Hits US

Insights from ““The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel,” (Season 6, Episode 2) but also from my hallway of half-packed suitcases.

🎬 Picture it:
Rachel is moving out of Monica’s apartment.

Monica walks in holding a random chrome star, already on the verge of tears.
Rachel? Calmly painting her toenails like she’s got all the time in the world.

The confrontation:
Monica can’t believe Rachel isn’t freaking out.
Rachel can’t believe Monica thinks she should be.

But Monica keeps going—the big plate, the memories, the dramatics—until she snaps:

And then, Rachel finally and admits:

Translation:
This feels too big to feel yet.

Ever Been Here?

When something massive is happening—a move, a breakup, a career change, a new chapter—it’s weirdly common to… not feel it.

Not fully. Not yet.

You’re doing logistics.
You’re taping boxes.
You’re answering emails.
You’re telling people, “Yeah! It’s exciting!”
But inside, everything is on a 10-second delay.

You’re both Monica and Rachel:

• one part unraveling about the era ending

• one part, “Well, I still need to buy milk, so….🤷🏻‍♀️.”

It’s not apathy.
My bet is it’s self-protection.

Your brain is basically saying:
“We’ll deal with the emotional avalanche LATER. After we survive this bit.”

My Real Life Version of This

This is my last newsletter written from America 🗽.

In less than 48 hours, I’ll be on a plane to Luxembourg with:

• four checked bags

• two carry ons

• a child

• a dog

• and a partridge in a pear tree 🍐

• annnnnd the false belief that I’m “on top of things” 😬

It should feel monumental.
Earth-shifting.
Like the end of an era.

And I’ve cried about it—multiple times (of course)—but then weirdly?
It also just feels…normal.

As in:
“Sure, huge identity shift, life upheaval, new country….but also, what’s for tea?”

Real life rarely gives you the slow-motion montage moment.
It gives you errands and logistics and “Wait, is this actually happening?”

The Reframe

You don’t need to feel your Big Feelings on cue.

Rachel didn’t.
You don’t have to either.

Denial isn’t apathy — it’s your brain pacing itself.

Your emotions arrive when they’re safe to arrive.
When you’re still enough to feel them.
When the boxes are on the boat.
When the dust settles.
When the episode ends.

Big things don’t always announce themselves.
Sometimes they sneak up on you while you’re folding a T-shirt.

Try This On 

If you’re on the edge of a big change—or smack in the middle of one:

👉 Let yourself be wherever you actually are.
Not where you think you should be.

👉 Don’t force the feelings.
They’ll find you. They always do.

👉 And when your “Monica moment” arrives (the one that says “It’s going to happen”)…
let that be the permission to feel whatever comes up.

There’s no correct timeline for processing a life change.
There’s only forward.

Final Thought

Monica was right: it was the end of an era.
Rachel was right: it didn’t feel real until it did.

There is no right timeline.

So here I am, saying it out loud even if I don’t fully feel it yet:

This is the end of an era.
Next week, a new one begins.

Will it hit me later?
Probably.

But for now, I’m just here, half-packed, fully human, doing my best.

See you next Thursday. From Luxembourg.
Lucy xx
Queen of the Reframe, currently existing in two places at once

P.S. If you're in transition or about to be, start here👇

Thanks for reading The Friends Theory. I appreciate you so much ❤️