Welcome to The Friends Theory, where sitcom chaos doubles as life advice (whether we asked for it or not).

This week: fear, selective hearing, and why sometimes the healthiest response is a calm, internal no thank you.

3-minute read. Strippers optional.

It’s Been a Few Weeks

Between moving countries, the holidays, and the general chaos of being a human person in 2025, I gave myself permission to ghost my own newsletter.

But I’m back. Did you miss me? Don’t answer that.

I'm pleased to say the break was worth it. It reminded me of something important: it’s okay to rest, recharge, and come back when it feels right—without guilt, without drama, without turning it into a whole thing. Sometimes the most productive move is just space.

Anyway. Let’s get to it.

The One Where I Chose Not to Hear That

Insights from “The One With the Worst Best Man Ever” (Season 4, Episode 22)

🎬 Picture it:
It’s Ross’s bachelor party. He gives very clear instructions:

Chandler and Joey are left to plan.

Joey starts listing party essentials: Poker chips. Drinks. Snacks. Strippers.

Chandler points out the obvious:
“He just said no strippers.”

Joey’s response?

And recently, this line has been making the rounds in my head. Daily.

Because yes—Joey hires a stripper and chaos ensues (including a duck at the vet). But before all that, there’s something very human happening here:

Selective hearing. On purpose.

Ever Been Here?

Your brain pipes up, uninvited and extremely confident:

• “That might not work.”

• “Better play it safe.”

• “Remember that thing you said in 2014? How mortifying.”

• “Who do you think you are?”

• “How about, no.”

Sometimes, that voice is doing exactly what it was designed to do. Our brains have a negativity bias—they're wired to scan for threats, not opportunities. To prioritize safety over possibility.

From an evolutionary perspective, that makes sense. If you're about to be eaten by a tiger, fear is very useful. But most of the things we're afraid of now aren't tigers. They're dreams. Ideas. Conversations. Opportunities we actually want.

The problem isn't fear. It's letting a survival system make decisions in situations that aren't actually dangerous.

This isn't fight or flight. It's "I want to do something cool, and part of my brain would rather I stay exactly where I am."

For years, I let that voice run the show—starting from no instead of maybe, from what if it fails instead of what if it works. I told myself I was being realistic. Strategic. Practical.

Turns out, I was just rehearsing worst-case scenarios at 3am and calling it "planning."

What Changed

Here's what I realized (slowly, stubbornly): Trying to eliminate fear doesn't work. Ignoring it doesn't work either.

So now I do something else.

I acknowledge it. I name it. And then I politely decline.

No internal shouting. No motivational speeches. Just a very Joey-level response: "Noted. And I'm choosing not to hear that today."

I call this the FAFO Method™:
Feel it. Acknowledge it. Fuck Off.
(To the fear. Not to you.)

It’s not dramatic. It’s not a five-step process. It’s just selective hearing, applied intentionally.

“Oh, you think this might fail? Interesting. Anyway…

Try This On 

Next time fear shows up uninvited:

1. Name it: “Ah, there you are.”

2. Ask it: “Are you protecting me from actual danger, or just keeping me comfortable?”

3. If it’s the latter, respond calmly:
   “Noted. I’m choosing not to hear that today.”

4. Then do the thing anyway. Quietly. Without announcing it.

You don’t need to fight fear. You don’t need to out-argue it or give it a TED Talk. You just… choose not to engage.

Like when someone tries to start drama in a group chat and you leave them on read.

Confidence doesn’t always roar. Sometimes it just shrugs and keeps moving.

Final Thought

Joey didn’t mishear Ross.
He consciously chose which voice to listen to.

And yes—his choice involved a stripper, a bachelor party gone wrong, and a duck at the vet. So maybe don’t follow Joey’s logic on everything.

But when fear shows up pretending to be wisdom?
When it says “better not” but really means “stay small”?

You’re allowed to channel your inner Joey and respond:

Not every thought deserves a vote.
Not every what-if deserves airtime.

So here’s to 2026.
The year of selective hearing, quiet confidence, and letting fear talk… without letting it drive.

See you next week.
Lucy xx
Queen of the Reframe, still choosing what to hear (and what to politely ignore)

P.S. If you're in transition or about to be, start here👇

Thanks for reading The Friends Theory. I appreciate you so much ❤️