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- The Friends Theory #9: The One Where We're Covered in Paste
The Friends Theory #9: The One Where We're Covered in Paste
Ross. Leather pants. Paste. A surprisingly accurate metaphor for personal growth.
Welcome to The Friends Theory, the newsletter where we overthink sitcom moments to make sense of real life.
This week, we're learning from Ross's most mortifying bathroom moment. Because sometimes when you're trying to upgrade your life, you get stuck in the messy middle—covered in paste and not sure which way is forward.
4 min read
Got a friend stuck in the paste? Don’t leave them in that bathroom alone.
Invite them via this email, they can sit on the couch with us next week.
The One Where We’re Covered in Paste
Insights from "The One With All the Resolutions" (Season 5, Episode 11)
Oh, Ross. (Funny how it’s always Ross.)
Let me set the scene: he puts on leather pants (yes, I know it’s trousers), for a date. He gets hot. He goes to the bathroom to cool off.
When he tries to pull the pants back up…. they. just. won’t. budge.
Cue panic. Add lotion. Still stuck. Try powder. Now there’s paste. Right-O.
He ends up pant-less, sweating, and in a tizzy… and seemingly worse off than when he started.
Trying to grow—to upgrade your life, your mindset, your habits—can feel exactly like that.
Ever Been Here?
You decide to level up. Start the idea that you’ve had for a while. Build the plan. Be the person who doesn’t just talk about it anymore.
You research the hell out of it. Read all the articles. Follow all the accounts. Get your ducks in a perfect little row.
And then you take the first step… and immediately think ‘What the hell am I doing?’
So you retreat. To the bathroom of your own overthinking.
More tweaking. More “I’ll just read one more thing” (lotion).
More tabs than your browser can handle (powder).
Suddenly, you’re stuck worse than when you started—covered in the paste of your own perfectionism.
I’ve been in that bathroom longer than I care to admit.
Real Talk
I’m in the messy middle right now.
Knowing there’s something more for me but not being 100% sure which lane to pick.
So many moving parts, and I'm not sure I’m handling any of them gracefully. I'm not the swan gliding on top or even the duck paddling frantically underneath. I'm the paste.
A series of decisions leaving me foggy, fatigued, and questioning everything.
What I haven’t shared yet is: a few weeks ago, I was laid off.
And while I could say it was a surprise, the truth is… it was also a release. A push into building something on my own. Which is thrilling. And terrifying. And paste-making kind of hard.
I’ve worked for other people for 23+ years. I thought I wanted freedom—and I do. But I underestimated how much structure those jobs gave me. The meeting invites and project briefs I used to roll my eyes at? They were also holding me up.
Now? I’m in charge.
My house is flooded and (still) being renovated. My 3-year-old wakes up before 6am (so much for those productivity gurus who write from 5–7). I have a course to record but keep spiraling about where to film it—even though I know a voiceover would be fine. And when I see other people with their neat systems, I think: how do you structure a day around a 3-year-old who’s currently in his anti-structure era?
No rules. No systems that work right now.
Just me and a brain that wants to spiral.
It tells stories I don’t even believe anymore… just ones I know by heart.
“I’m not ready.”
“I need to figure out X first.”
“What if I fail?”
I don’t believe them. Not really.
But they’re familiar. So I still catch myself saying them—even though I know the only thing that quiets them is action.
Try This On
What if…..the paste isn’t failure. It’s feedback.
It means something is shifting.
That you’re not pretending to put on pants that don’t fit anymore.
That your systems, your stories, your strategies? They’re no longer a match for the version of you trying to emerge.
If you’re currently covered in paste, here’s what I’m trying to remember:
What are you still doing because it’s familiar, not because it works?
What’s the story you’re still telling that no longer feels true?
Where are you waiting for the perfect plan instead of taking the imperfect step?
Some tools for the pasty days:
NOTES TO (YOUR)SELF
Things to read, hear, try, or leave behind.
🎧 Podcasts
The Daily Stoic → Short doses of wisdom for when everything feels chaotic.
How I Built This → Proof that everyone's figuring it out as they go, even the "successful" people.
📚 Books
Start Where You Are: A Journal for Self-Exploration → for when you don’t feel ready.
The Dip - Seth Godin → for knowing what to push through or walk away from.
🔗 A Little Extra
Progress Over Perfection → Motivation in mug form.
“Permission to Be Mid-Paste” → Stick this sticky note where you can see it.
💌 From the Couch
A reader emailed me after last week’s moo edition:
“It seems odd to be tackling these sorts of things in my mid-forties… but actually, they’ve always been there. I’ve just reached an age where I’m ready to face them head-on. The main thing that’s been controlling my thinking is: ‘What will other people think?’ But I’ve realised—if someone has an issue with you, it’s up to them to come to you.”
Yes. This is exactly what I mean about outgrowing old stories.
Sometimes the paste happens because we’re finally ready to stop living for other people’s opinions.
Got your own version of paste or progress? I’d love to hear it. Just hit reply—this couch is big enough for all of us.
Final Thought
You don’t have to be fearless.
You don’t have to be strategic.
You just have to be honest. About where you are, what you want, and what you’re tired of pretending isn’t true.
Because sometimes, growth doesn’t look like blooming.
It looks like paste. Lotion and powder on a bathroom floor.
Ross didn’t need more strategy. He just needed to get out of the bathroom.
Maybe you do too. I sure do.
More sitcom therapy next Tuesday,
Lucy xx
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