Welcome to The Friends Theory, where we overthink sitcom moments to make sense of real life (and occasionally tell our inner critic to sit down and shut up).

This week, we're talking about reflection—and the difference between a useful backward glance and being dramatic about everything.

3-minute read. BYO inner hype woman.

The One Where It’s All Falling Apart (But Isn’t)

Insights from “The One With the Lesbian Wedding” (Season 2 Episode 11)

Picture it:
Monica’s mid-meltdown in the kitchen, barking orders at everyone. The pressure? All her own. The vibe? Unhinged chef on a tight deadline.

Then she snaps:

To which Phoebe, (go Pheebs!) immediately fires back:

The whole thing is dramatic. Over the top. Defensive. Hilarious.
And also? Relatable. Verrrry me.

Because sometimes, your inner Monica shows up—loud, flustered, convinced everything’s falling apart and it’s absolutely your fault.

And when that happens?

You need your inner Phoebe to step in.
To cut through the noise.
To say “No sir.” And move on.

Ever Been Here?

This month marks 17 years since I moved to the U.S.
What was supposed to be a one- or two-year detour turned into an entire life.

I should be proud.
I am proud.

But this week—while piecing together a capabilities deck to make sense of 23 years of experience—my brain still chimed in with:

And just like that, I was in it.

I spent 45 minutes debating fonts.
Second-guessed every bullet point.
Convinced myself I had nothing new to say.

At some point, somewhere between a perfectionism spiral and wanting to bin the whole thing, I hit a wall.

And then… I kept going.

Because here’s the thing:

I’m f*cking amazing.
Not in a “look at me!” way—
In a “I’ve built cool stuff, survived hard things, helped people, made things that mattered” way.

And building that deck? It reminded me.

Seventeen years in New York.
Twenty-three years of work.
The grit. The pivots. The wild ideas. The receipts.

So when my brain tried pulling a “Do you want to see me cry?” routine—
I finally had an answer.

I can be proud and still be working on myself.
I can want more and still recognise what I’ve already built.

The two aren’t enemies.
They’re co-workers.

Try This On

We reflect all the time—but often through the wrong lens.

We zoom in on what’s missing. What’s messy. What didn’t go to plan.
Rarely do we stop to collect evidence of progress.

Try this instead:

Instead of asking, “Did I do enough?”
Try: “What did I do that I didn’t know I could?”

Instead of listing what’s still undone,
List what you built. What you faced down. What you figured out mid-chaos.

Don’t fixate on the gaps.
Look for the grit. The growth. The “I kept going anyway” moments.

Because building that deck taught me this:

You just need to change the lens.

A few “No sir!”s to fire back at your inner Sergeant Major…

💌 From the Couch

One of my besties (hi, Kate!) told me this week, "Sounds like you're on 🔥🔥"

My response? "Just speaking things into existence 🤣✨."

Which is the soundtrack of my life right now. Because half the time, confidence isn't about feeling ready—it's about deciding to act like you are.

And sometimes that's exactly what tips the scales.

Final Thought

Looking back isn’t the problem.
Forgetting what you’ve done… that’s where things get fuzzy.

You can be proud and still a work in progress.
Capable and figuring it out.
Awesome—with a side of “what even is this font choice?”

And when your brain tries to kick off again?

Just clap back:

See you next time,
Lucy xx

Thanks for reading The Friends Theory. I appreciate you so much ❤️